Here, Fix this Brokenness in Me
by Alex Accursed
Summary: Naruto isn't healthy. Sure, he's seems fine, but he isn't. Gaara is the first to notice. Mainly because he watches blond closely when he can.
1. Chapter 1

**From the Author: **Hello! Welcome back to my fanfics. I'm not going to go "Oh please, be nice this is my first one." It's actually, like, my fourth. So, thank you for reading this one.

**Pairing: **Gaara and Naruto

**Warning: **IF this goes the way I hope, there will be shonen ai and bulimia. OOCish

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It hurts. When it starts, it hurts. After doing it for a while, you get used to it. Your stomach clenches and the acid claws up your throat. I smile at them and excuse myself. It's not that I have a body image (is it?), I just get the urge (that it, right?). But today I'm just not hungry. My head feels like it's spinning; the floor (or maybe it's the ceiling) won't stay still. I put my hand on the wall, trying to balance myself once more.

"You okay, Naruto?" Gaara's caring hand rests on my shoulder. In his aquamarine eyes, concern glitters. I grin at him.

"I tripped!" I give them that goofy laugh, but it sounds so hollow. Most them buy it, but the concern doesn't leave his eyes. "Don't worry, Gaara! I'll watch my feet now!" I take off running and laughing. He shouldn't be so concerned about nothing. I'm fine (I think). Never once do I look back to see if they're laugh at me and making bad jokes about me. I know that they are. Would he chase after me, or has his concern vanished? I don't stop running until I'm home. My legs collapse under me and warm, salty tears rip themselves out of me. On trembling legs, I walk over to the mirror. It's nothing special, floor length, though.

_Look at you. _A voice not unlike my own whispers. _Where did all this baby fat come from? You know what to do to get rid of it, right? _I shake my head to the voice and find my body working on its own. _Well then I'll have to show you. _It hurts. When it starts, it hurts. After doing it for a while, you get used to it. Your stomach clenches and the acid claws up your throat. Then, it's over. My head rests gently against the wall after I drag myself over to it. It's cold and sends chills down my spine. Gaara's worried eyes force themselves into the front of my memories. It tastes worse than the acid that I dragged up a moment ago. Who knew memories had taste? My mind flies to Haku. He was so dedicated to a single person. A sense of coldness floods over me and grabs my heart tightly. The door slams open and feet come toward me. I'm so tired. Too tired too look up. Far too tired to care.

**Gaara's Point of View**

My hands tremble as I try not to yell at Sakura. His pulse...it's slow and fading. Hurry, Sakura, hurry. What happened? Sakura lifts up his shirt to see if he was stabbed or something. Ribs. Every last of of them. All 24 of his ribs jut out of him. The skin on his body, now, seems to be clinging on to him. How did none of us notice? I bet we were just denying it all. His pulse slows even more and Sakura looks up at me.

"I don't think we can save him." Her eyes fill with tears.

"Well, don't give up now! Keep trying!" I snap at her. Why tell me that? Why not wait until you know he's dead before telling me this? I walk out of the hospital. The blue in the sky seems dimmed. Naruto. Happy, beautiful Naruto. The only one who could break through to me. Naruto, the only one who made my heart race when I thought about seeing them. I close my eyes realizing that I was crying. His scent filled up my nose. Honey, roses, cotton candy. I laugh to myself. He always seemed so put together even when he was doing something so stupid. My arms itched to be wrapped around him. Even if he was bone thin or if he was healthy and muscular, I don't care. My heart feels like it's being torn up and all I really want to do is curl up and sob. Sakura walks out of the hospital. The small smile on her face explains the news she has. He's not okay, but he'll survive. Suddenly, my heart falls right into place and I feel so full of bubbles. I ask if I can see him. She nods. The patter of my running feet on the tile is all that can be heard. I fling open the door to see him sleeping. An IV drips fluid into his bone thin body. He's so ugly, and yet he looks so beautiful. His hair doesn't have a healthy shine to it. I sit by him.

"Hey, Naru. You scared us all. I know you won't respond. You're resting." I chuckle a little. "I just wanted to talk to you, though. I really want you to open up those eyes of yours. I love them. They're so bright, so blue. I..."I gulp." I love you, Naru." I stand up and get to the door before I hear a sleepy, "I love you too, Gaara." With a small smile on my face, I slip out of the room.

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**More from the Author: **Thank you for reading. Now, pretty please review. Sorry if it's not that good. There were LOUD, ANNOYING sounds going on while I was trying to write and I was worried about my dog freaking out.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Finally!**_ An update. I'm so sorry for such a delay. Really, I didn't know there was a demand and I didn't have a plot for this (still don't), but I'll try to update this more often! So, after nearly a year, I present chapter two. Also, the rating has been bumped up from K+ to T because 1, I wanna be safe rather than sorry, 2, this is a T topic, and finally, 3, Naruto thinks the S-word at the end of this chapter. Sorry for the changes in points of view. I thought they added more to the story. Which, I could've gotten from 3rd-person, but I hate writing third person. It's just... I don't like it.

Also, this may or may not be updated every other week from here on out. Depends, really, on how well/bad this chapter is and if I can think of anything to throw into the story.

So, who's ready for this chapter?

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Naruto's Point of View

My eye flutter open and this isn't the I remember closing them in. Flicking them around the room a few times and breathing in the scent says that it's a hospital. Sitting near my bed is Gaara, looking like he hasn't moved in ages. Was he really that worried about me? Was I really not that fine? His eyes open and land on me.  
Quickly, he runs off to find my doctor, I guess. When he comes back in, they're arguing. "Listen to me, Kazekage-sama, but Naruto is a hazard to himself. He should be placed under someone's care." Gaara doesn't take that well and slams a fist into the wall. What uncharacteristic rage. Pale eyes lock onto the doctor as he calms down a little more.  
"Then when you're done taking care of his physical needs, I'll try to take care of the rest." His voice leaves little to zero room for arguments. Even when they look at me it's obvious I no choice in this saying. Even if I rip out these tubes full of fatten juices and scream that I'm fine, they just caught me on a bad day, I wouldn't have a say. "Naruto, you look better today." He smiles and sits beside me, stroking my spiky hair. "How long have I been out?" Ignoring the doctor who probably barely looked at me and setting all attention on Gaara, I ask the only question I can think of. He tells me it doesn't matter right now, or something like that. At the moment, I'm feeling too tired. My fist slowly goes up to my eye and rubs it as a yawn comes out. Showing how tired I am is not in the plan. "Naruto, go to sleep. You're recovering right now." He gently pushes me onto the bed, as though I'll break if he isn't careful. I'm fine, Gaara, don't worry!

Gaara's Point of View

He was awake. After a week, his eyes opened. My heart races with joy that I finally allow myself to feel. He woke up. He didn't die the week that he was out which they said to be the most critical. Smiling, I continue to stroke his hair gently. It doesn't matter if he woke up or not, he still seems so frail. Maybe even more knowing what they did to try to make him okay. Sakura has to ruin me enjoying the simple fact that he's alive by coming into the room and being, well, her. "Is he okay?"  
"He's sleeping." Which doesn't keep her from being loud.  
"Here, let's put these flowers here, so he'll see them when he wakes up again."  
"Whatever."  
"You seem upset. Shouldn't you be happy that he's alive?"  
"Sakura, I'm delighted that he's alive. You're killing it, though." She looks at me like I'm the coldest person that has ever lived. Maybe that's true, but I just want to enjoy him being alive. I just want to enjoy that pleading with anyone who would listen to keep from dying has paid off. Her being there didn't allow for that.  
"Fine, I'll leave. Now need to be a jerk about it." With that she storms out. Finally, near silence. The bleep that the machines make are the only sound to keep me company. Them and Naruto's uneven breathing.  
As the sun starts setting, Naruto wakes up slightly. "Hey, think you can try some solids before they try forcing them down your throat?" His eyes grow huge. "You don't have to torture yourself over Sasuke being how he is."

Naruto's Point of View

What? Why would Gaara think that? "I know you, Naruto. When he left, you were crushed. When you saw him again, you broke. I saw it when you visited me and told me you had seen him." He continues, though it all seems like complete nonsense. Then he starts stroking my hair which seems to have fallen out of the spikes and it's the most comforting thing ever."Just a little bit of soup?" He's pleading with me and it shows in his eyes. Those panda-like eyes that were quite adorable with his red hair. "Fine." Why am I giving in to his demands? Because he sat here and worried over me? Why didn't he leave? I must have seemed like a lost cause. Even now, as he sets the soup in front of me, I feel like a lost cause. The smell alone makes me feel sick to my stomach. Still, he's patient and calm as he feeds me each tiny bite. He stops when I shake my head "no". It isn't hard to eat it, not physically, though it doesn't hurt my stomach. Most of it is mentally screaming. You're so pathetic and don't even deserve this. You don't deserve someone like Gaara, who waits for you to be better. You deserve those sleepless nights and hours of pain.  
My pain must be somewhat obvious because Gaara pulls me close to him, even crawls into the bed a little. Warm, salty tears run down my face and onto his clothes. I'm so pathetic. "Shh, it's okay Naruto. It's gonna all be worth it in the end. You'll come out of this alive and beautiful." How can he be so sure? What if I don't? Still, having him tell me I will makes it seem believable. "You're gonna be fine. Remember? You're gonna be Hokage someday!" He's trying to keep my spirit up and it's working. A smile breaks out on my face and it almost hurts. "I wanna try some more of that soup." I feel a little braver, though I may regret it later. Still, this is step one and I have to take it. I have to be better to be Hokage. When did I lose sight of that dream? He's encouraging each time I take a bite. Somehow, we get half way through it. The doctor comes in after I quit eating for Gaara. I don't feel full, content, but my stomach hurts instead.  
"Naruto, you were pretty horrid when you came in here." He begins, a small smile on his face. "You're lucky that nothing worse happened to you, but I honestly don't expect you to eat a lot for a while." Then, he leans forward, kisses my forehead, and tells me that rest should help me a little. Laying back and closing my eyes, I pretend to be sleeping, hoping that he'll leave and I can be alone again to think. Gaara doesn't leave, though, doesn't let me think poisonous thoughts that would ruin this treatment that they're trying to push on me. Instead, he takes my hand and begins muttering about how amazing I am. He's full of shit, though.


	3. Chapter 3

First, I would LOVE to say thank you for the reviews and everything else! Also, I'm really excited to present this chapter. It's got ItaDei! Woo! They're uber cute in this chapter, though I doubt they'll come back.

**WARNING**: Making out between two guys, swearing, Illnesses, and bad writing.

ALSO! I do **not** own the anime/manga Naruto or any of these characters

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Gaara's eyes are closed when I wake up, so I try standing on my own. It's been a week or something like that since he brought me here. They rarely let me walk around on my own. Something about being too weak. With Gaara sleeping in the room, I walk on trembling legs over to the window. My hand clenches the window sill when I start to collapse. Breathing, even, is hard.

An arm wraps around my waist, holding me up. When I look, aquamarine eyes meet mine, unwavering. "Naruto, quit pushing yourself so hard." He leads to my bed, but I don't want to lay down. My muscles need to work, or they'll be weak and puny and worthless. "You've been here a month-"

"That long?" How did I lose track of time like that?

"Yes, Naruto. We've been over this." Gaara straddles me to keep me on the bed. How sexual the whole thing seems is not lost on him as he leans in, placing gentle lips on mine. Pale hands slam themselves down on either side of my head. Almost lazily my arms raise up and fingers lace into his hair. Our mouths lock. The pressure of just his lips makes me needy and tired at the same time. A whimper comes out when he pulls away, though I feel drained. He laughs at my desire.

"You're tired as it is, Naruto." He purrs in my ear, "And besides, I doubt I'd be able to control myself if I got started." I pull his head back down, and tighten the grip my fingers have on his hair. A pathetic glare sets itself in place on my face. "No, I'm serious, Naruto. Let me go. Maybe if you continue to get better." He gently pulls my hands out of his hair and slips off of me.

"You're a dick, Gaara." I try to throw a pillow at him. It doesn't even come close. "A jackass, a bitch!" I just keep swearing at him until I'm out of energy completely. Then, I lay back and turn so my back is facing him. When I close my eyes, I hear him chuckle.

"You're so childish sometimes." He leaves the room. Leaves me in the empty room, too tired to keep my eyes. Now, it seems like he was conspiring to make me so tired all along.

**Gaara's Point Of View**

When I exit Naruto's room, successful in making him need more sleep, I run into Sasuke's older brother, Itachi. "What are you doing here?" Immediately I'm defensive. Of course I would be. We're right outside Naruto's door.

"Chill out, un." That blond, Deidara I believe his name is, leans around Itachi. "He's just here for a check up." His face is creased with worry. It's obvious that he cares about Itachi at least existing. Itachi pulls away from Deidara and enters his examination room. A few seconds later, he pokes his head out.

"Deidara, you and Gaara should talk while I'm getting my check up." His voice makes it sound more like an order than a suggestion. When he disappears into the room again, Deidara gives me a sad smile while shaking his head a little.

"He's too proud to admit it, but I'm pretty sure he's slowly killing himself. Especially since he's trying to also keep up with my," he coughs a little and seems slightly embarrassed, "demands." I understand exactly what he means and glance at Naruto's door.

"I think he enjoys it. Naruto...well, he's dying too, and seems more sexual than before." We sit down on the couch in the waiting area. Deidara crosses his legs slightly and seems more than slightly impatient to return to Itachi's side.

"Things aren't the same anymore. We used to be like a family, you know." Sadness fills his face. "I used to hate Itachi, but when I broke past his walls and learn most of the secrets he told hardly anyone...I don't want to leave his side, Gaara. He makes me feel whole. I haven't felt that way since Sasori-danna died, un." Tears fill his grey-blue eyes.

Horrible, deep, painful-sounding coughs come from the room that Itachi's waiting in. Every inch of Deidara tenses, and the tears begin to fall. He holds his head in his hands. It feels like a hand is gripping at my heart, trying to make it burst. Would I ever be like this for Naruto?

Hours later, Itachi's door opens. Immediately, the tears are gone and a smile takes their place. Itachi wraps his arms around Deidara's waist. "Quit crying, brat." It's odd, the way Deidara looks just below his eyes.

"Brat, un! I'm older than you!" The man who sat there, crying, is completely gone as he stands, arms snaked around Itachi's neck. Itachi smirks, and rests his head on Deidara's chest.

"Oh, so you're an old man?"

"You bitch, uh!" At that, Itachi leans up and kisses Deidara. Deidara melts into that kiss. Itachi winks at me when he untangles himself from Deidara and takes his hand. Their fingers lace together.

"And that's how you calm your partner down." I can feel my face heating up. All Deidara can do is pout as he walks out. Smiling, I enter Naruto's room...and am greeted by a pillow to the face. Letting out a small sigh, I pick up the pillow and tuck it under Naruto.

"Still upset I don't want to make out?" He gives me a defiant nod and the meanest glare Naruto can manage. Slipping my hand into his, I forget of any way I had planned to make him forget about it. I lean down and kiss him. The way he kisses back is as if he won't live to see the moment after. Somehow, I end up in his lap, kissing his neck rather roughly. We're grinding our bodies together pitifully, begging the other for more. Knowing Naruto is ill, neither of us is willing to give more, though. Still, his head is thrown back, tanned hands grasp at my hair, and I swear the employees are worried about what we're doing.

Finally, after leaving many marks along Naruto's neck, I pull away, coming slightly to my senses. "Naruto, you should rest." He's sweaty and it's kinda gross, but I really don't want to leave his lap. When he nods, though, I allow myself to get off of his lap. Quickly, he falls back onto the bed, and starts snoring. A laugh escapes my lips.


	4. Chapter 4

I do Not own Naruto.

Finally, a new chapter. It's done in JUST Naruto's point of view. First day out of the hospital. From now on, I may randomly throw Deidara and Itachi in because I just fell in love with how I made them. Haha.

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"Finally, freedom." I whisper, dropping that happy-go-lucky attitude when I step into my apartment. Gaara's eyes had been watching all day. If it wasn't Gaara, it was a nurse. Mainly, though, Gaara was the one watching. Now, the door is closed. I can go back to what I was doing. Someone has bothered filling my cabinets. Without a second thought about the money or time taken to get the food, I throw such temptations out. Then, the mirror becomes my best friend.

When I stare into it, part of me screams about how tiny I've gotten, how that's not muscle, it's bone. A bigger part screams about how sickenly fat I am. The hospital pumped me full of food-like things and I gained weight. How could I be so stupid as to be found out?

A knock on the door brings me to my senses. When I answer it, it's Sasuke who just pushes his way into the room. "I heard what happened. I can't stay long, but I was near and wanted to make sure you ate something before I left, so..." He actually goes through my trash, finds a tub of strawberries, washes them off, and sets them on the table. Here's my ex-best friend/ex-lover and a traitor to the town fixing me strawberries. Sighing to himself, he goes searching for a knife to cut them with. "Your house is a mess."

"Thanks. I spend hours cleaning it and messing it back up." With that, he turns, on heel, and looks at me. Those dark eyes steal away at my soul like always and my heart starts beating just slightly quicker. Then I remember Gaara. The way he's been there since day one, encouraging me to be better soon.

"You're really sick, Naruto. Like this, you'll never be as strong as I am." Looking away from him, I almost admit that that's how it started. Training so much I forgot to eat and then wanting something more came in.

"I know." I mutter and pop a strawberry into my mouth. Chew. Chew. Chew. Okay, now...you have to swollow, Naruto, and not puke it up later. You have to get better. If not to be stronger than Sasuke then to keep Gaara from worrying.

"Good, you're eating. I have to go." With that, he's out the window. I put the strawberries in the sink so that I don't have to look at them any longer and it looks like I tried eating something. Gaara walks into the apartment, though, not long after I put them in the sink.

"Hey, Naruto." He kisses my forhead. "I know you said to not come in without knocking, but the door was open, so I figured you were decent." Then he goes to make my dinner. "How would you like soup?" He's making himself comfortable in my kitchen when he sees the strawberries. "Were you eating these?" When he asks, he turns. When he turns, he looks at me with huge eyes.

"I had a forth of one."

"Good, because I don't want you to eat too much before dinner or you won't be able to eat dinner. The doctors say that your stomach is quite small."

"I know."

"And they want you on a nearly liquid diet with a little bit of food thrown in."

"Yeah."

"You're trying to get better, right?"

There's a long silence. I honestly have to think about this. Before this, I had dreams, I think. Hokage, right? To beat Sasuke, right? Now, food consumes my life, even if I don't consume it. Gaara doesn't look at me while I think of an answer.

"Yeah. I wanna be hokage!" I say it with a huge grin on my face even though he's not looking at me.

"Then you have to eat. That way you can get stronger. Remember, I'm Kazakage and it's really hard." He's cooking and it smells great and I wonder to the table. If he cooks for me everyday like this, I may just become a "normal" person after all.


End file.
